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The following letter was sent to me by Jenny Bakken from Kamloops, British Columbia, Canada and is reproduced here without alteration. It is a letter written by Charlotte Ross (1), the great, great, great, grandmother of Jenny’s husband Lawrence Bakken, to her two surviving children Tyrell and Emily Jane Ross.  

Budleigh Salterton, Devonshire

February 19, 1832 

To my beloved children: 

Two years have passed away since it pleased the All Mighty to deprive me of the most affectionate of husbands, and you, the tenderness of fathers.  Six months have elapsed since it seemed good to our Heavenly Parent to take to himself, my darling Mary.  The loss of these two beings has weaned my affections so much from this life of sorrow and sadness, that I often hope I may not have many more years to tread this vale of trial and tears --- the thought would be insupportable when I think of you, my darling Tyrell, and you my sweet little Emily Jane, (now entered on your fourth year), but my faith and trust in God and our blessed Saviour is so firm, so entire that I feel certain did He plead to rob you of my care and protection my place would be filled by those most likely would be better fitted for the task of bringing you both up in favour of God and man.  To His all-wise Providence I have the disposal of all events well knowing and internally feeling that “Whatever is, is best”.  If I should not be permitted to see your riper years, my children, there is but one person (and she has already past the middle age of life) who could inform you about your blessed father and the idea that the child he so doted on, as he did on you my Tyrell, and the one so fondly nursed even on the verge of the grave, as you were my Emily Jane, should be ignorant who your father was.  What was his character, what were his occupations; his abilities would grieve me much and would make me feel that I have not fulfilled my duty to the utmost.  I have therefore drawn out a slight sketch of his life which I collected from his conversations --- imperfect it must be though, my memory was refreshed and aided by reading a journal of 30 years of his life which he left for me to pursue, with direction to burn it immediately. Of course I did, but not without a sigh, for its matter would have been highly interesting to you my loves, and the style in which it was written would have done honour to the feeling of pride you always may safely entertain for your dear departed parent.  

Your dear father was the son of a Scottish gentleman born at Cromarty, near Inverness, who married Anne Carter, the daughter of a Clergyman in Norfolk, of a good family and descended in the female line from Sir Walter Tyrell mentioned in history for his accident which cost William Rufus his life.  Your father was a twin child and was born on the 24th of August 1763.  His twin brother, George, died at 8 years of age.  At 7 years old your father was put to school at Blackheath where he remained for six years at which time your Grandfather sent him abroad to perfect himself in the French language in order to fit him for a situation then promised him by a Nobleman high in office.  Your father went to Blos for two years and made himself Master of the Language.  On his return to England he was placed in the Foreign Office where he applied himself with much assiduity to the details of public business and when his education for a diplomatic situation was completed, at the age of 28, your father, tired of expectations, made direct application to his promised Patron, Lord Grenville for the fulfillment of his intentions.  What was his surprise, I may say horror, when the ‘man of power’ declared he had nothing for him, could place him in no appointment and begged no further expectations might be placed on him.  Your poor dear father on hearing this made Lord Grenville a bow and left the room merely saying, “My Lord, you have ruined me”.  It was forty years after when he related these circumstances to me and he then spoke of it in anguish of spirit, for it had been the death stroke to all his hopes and threw him back just as he was preparing to make his way in the world.  Your poor farther was now without employment and like a ship without a rudder.  His father, who had a place in the Treasury, had relinquished any idea of retaining the same for his son, fancying that Lord Grenville had something in store so much better for him.  For a young man nothing can be so ruinous, so dangerous as such a state of inactivity.  Principle and religion kept him from ruin. 

In the year 1793, about three years after his disappointment, your father was introduced to Lord Malmesbury (not, I believe having so high a title at that time).  This was one of the most fortunate events in your dear fathers’ life, for from this time, he became the friend and intimate of the Earls family and Lord Malmesbury himself chose him until death for his assistant in all matters of business.  This good and great man understood the integrity and worth of your father’s character and even showed how truly he estimated it.  Immediately on his introduction your father accompanied Lord Malmesbury to Russia as his private Secretary, who went as Ambassador to the Court.  I believe they returned in ’94 when your father returned to his parents and with them paid a visit to Hastings.  It was there that he met with one whose beauty made him silence Prudence and married her against the wish of his father and all his friends, his mother alone siding in with him.  

In 1795, he again became Lord Malmesbury’s private Secretary and accompanied him on a mission to the Duke of Brunswick to demand the hand of his daughter for our then, Prince of Wales (afterwards George IV).  This negotiation ended by their conducting the Princess to England where she was immediately married.  In ’96 your father went with Lord Malmesbury to Paris, the purpose of which the journey of history of that time will explain much better that I can.  On their return they were at Lysle for sometime and Lord Malmesbury, being called away, left your father Minister Plenipotentiary in his absence.  On his return to England he still continued attached to Lord Malmesbury, but lived with his parents at Streatham.  About ’99, himself and his wife left the paternal roof and commenced housekeeping for themselves.  In 1801, your father lost his father, who is buried at Leigh Church near Blackheath.  At the close of that year your father became private Secretary to Lord Gower (now Lord Granville) with whom he went to St. Petersburg.  He was there present at the Coronation of the Emperor Alexander and with his lovely bride partook of all the grandeur and fetes attendant on such an event.  Often and often, my Tyrell, your father has related stories of those times that amused your infantile hours and kept your restless spirit quiet.  On your fathers return, he again became the confidential friend and often assistant of Lord Malmesbury and about this time occurred some unpleasant circumstances respecting the Princess of Wales.  Your father often engages in it and had constant interviews with her Royal Highness, at which time she treated him with much affability and confidence.  Once when she had insisted on his dining with her, she said to him, “Whenever I am Queen, Mr. Ross, you shall be the better for it”.  But alas! Vice and misfortune clouded her life and character and she sunk into the grave, despised and pitied by all, and without having the power of rendering anyone service. 

In 1803, Lord Malmsbury’s eldest son, (the present Earl) was appointed Colonel of the Wiltshire Militia, he or his father, (I do not know which, for each were alike, zealous to promote your dear fathers pleasure and welfare) got him appointed Pay-Master of the Regiment.  This lasted but a year as the Regiment was disbanded, but your father always spoke of it as a year of gaiety and amusement.  His wife accompanied him to Bristol where they remained until the year was out.  

In 1805, your father became again private Secretary to Lord Gower and, accompanied by his wife, he went to St. Petersburg.  They returned in 1806 and in September of the same year your father went with Lord Morpeth on a short mission to Berlin.  They returned about Christmas, the exact date I know not, but shortly after this he was engaged as private Secretary to Mr. Canning under whose banner he worked hard for two years.  The duel between Mr. Canning and Lord Castlereagh, of which you will read in history, obliged Mr. Canning to go out of Office and your father became once more an idle man.  His various employments had however secured to him two Pensions, amounting jointly to about 500 pounds per annum, on this your father was now anxious to retire to private life.  Lord Malmsbury, his ever steady kind friend, offered him his residence, Avon Cottage, near Ringwood, where Lord Fitzharris (then a married man) had resided for two summers, but was then established at Heron Court.  The offer was so consonants with your dear fathers’ own wishes that in August of 1810 he and his wife commenced their residence there.  That beloved Cottage saw many a change, witnessed much of comfort and happiness, but saw many a sorrow.  I think it was the summer of 1811 when your father’s mother, his sister (your aunt Sophie) and her husband passed some months with them and on leaving them came into Devonshire where they ultimately settled and built a house at Budleigh Salterton.  In the year of 1813 your father and his wife came to visit your Uncle and Aunt Spencer and it was then I became acquainted with them.  How little did I dream then, to what a near connection that acquaintance would lead. 

While here on a visit to the Spencers your father received a request from Mr. Canning to accompany him to Lisbon, accordingly in the month of September.  Your father went there as his private Secretary and his wife returned to Avon Cottage.  Your poor father had barely recovered from his voyage and had not been absent more than two months when news reached him which plunged him into deep distress.  His wife had been seized with a paralitic stroke, which for the time deprived her of reason, voice, and the use of her limbs.  Your father had a spirit too liberal for his means and in his family there was not perhaps that economy practiced that ought to be the regulating principle of all those who wish to feel comfortable above the world.  He had embraced Mr. Canning’s offer with the hopes of getting free from some debts that worried him, but the trial came with two fold force, he of course, relinquished his situation instantly and listened, as he had ever done to the calls of duty he hastened home by the first vessel that was offered.  On his return his wife recovered reason and speech but her right side was useless to her.  From that period your father devoted himself with the most undivided attention to her comfort and spared no expense in the hopes of restoring her health.  This added to his former embarrassments, worked on his spirit and destroyed his peace of mind. All was however confined to his own bosom, as he allowed not his wife to feel a want or express a wish ungratified.  He took her twice to Bath, they spent much of each year at the Cottage and at Salterton with the Spencers.  This went on until the 17th of September 1817.  The Spencers were at the Cottage as your father had gone for a night to Heron Court, during his absence and for her amusement cards were resorted to.  Her temper, never good, had become more irritable by her malady, the cards went wrong, she grew angry and another paralytic stroke occurred, the end was sad and awful and will, I trust, be a warning to you children.  She never spoke afterwards and the next day she breathed her last.  Peace to her memory!  

From that time on your dear father divided his time between his own Cottage and Salterton, nor could any persuasion induce him to go abroad because his poor old mother doted on him to such a degree that he would not the risk take of embittering her latter days.  (Your paternal grandmother died six months before Tyrell was born.)  Now would be a good time for your dear father to have retrenched his expenditures and paid off his debts, and had he done so, life’s cup would have been ten times sweeter than it was.  I do not mean to infer your father was extravagant, for he was not.   He had a fine noble liberal spirit, which kept within due bounds, is an ornament to human nature, but if allowed to run riot, plunges its possessor into difficulty and sorrow.  The debts misfortune he had unavoidably contracted were never paid during his life and they gnawed upon his spirit like a canker worm and I doubt not undermined his constitution.  Oh, my children, I have watched the real agony it has caused to your beloved parent when contemplating you, my Tyrell and feeling that he might have done you more justice had he been more saving.  I dwell on this point to impress upon your minds how wrong it is not to strive and of involving yourselves in debt, which I have imbibed from witnessing the misery it caused to the generous mind of your dear father. Let his voice speak to you from the grave and let him speak audibly to your hearts this word, 'Stop', when you feel inclined to run debt, to borrow or to live beyond your means.  

But to return, in 1819 your father, being at Salterton, I saw a great deal of him and entertained for him that high esteem that his many virtues could not but engender with those who could see and understand them.  Affection grew between us and the extreme difference in our ages presented, I believe to both of us, (to me it certainly did) from seeing to where our feelings were headed. I was very young and quite new to the world and as was natural, the dislikes of my friends to such an attachment were great.  I, in consequence, relinquished all hopes and was firmly resolved to sacrifice my wishes to those of my friends, but circumstances occurred which warranted a renewal of our enjoyment and after a year we were united in Paris on April 25, 1822---an event sanctioned by the warmest and best feeling of our natures, for we were one in feeling, in taste and in heart.  Much sorrow and many bitter trials have I undergone since, but never for one instant have I regretted that hour.  Nor for all this world contains would I have it otherwise.  Our union was blessed with you my Tyrell, then my darling Mary, who is now in the regions of innocence.  I was blessed then with my sweet Emily Jane.  May you, my beloved children grow up in the fear of God and in the love of His Holy name. May you, my Tyrell, imitate the virtues of your earthly father and be affectionate and generous, just and upright candid.  Be kind and considerate, sensible, reasonable and industrious and may you be as earnest as he was to fulfill his religious duties and to entreat nightly and daily the forgiveness and protection of the Almighty. Your father had two failings, I never was able to discover more, irritability of temper was one which caused him much grief and which was never against my dear children.  It may be crushed in youth, but ‘tis difficult to do it when the passions have gained strength by age and indulgence.  The other failing I have mentioned was that of possessiveness beyond the means of answering to the feeling.  

After our marriage we continued to live at Avon Cottage.  On the 5th of April 1823 my dearest James Tyrell Carter was born, on November 7th, 1825 my beloved Mary (now lost), and fours years afterwards, dearest Emily Jane first opened her eyes on this world.  For nine years your father and myself enjoyed a share of conjugal happiness seldom felt.  A union of heart and taste cemented by the firm bond of true religion carried us through many and hard trials with the warmest love and affection toward each other.  During that time we spent fourteen months in Paris with your dear Grandmamma and paid visits of various lengths to your Aunt Sophie and her husband at Budleigh Salterton and to Mr. Carter of Fersfield.  In the summer of the year 1829, Mr. Spencer died suddenly and in the autumn your dear Aunt Sophie came to visit us at the Cottage.  You, Tyrell accompanied your father and me to Southampton and this gave your father a cold from which he never recovered.   

Serious and very distressing complaints crowded one upon another and were born with considerable patience making allowance for the natural irritability of his disposition.  As however his strength decayed his religious feelings grew stronger and stronger.  He was sure his sand was fast running out and he placed his temporal affairs in perfect order and by numerous indirect means strove to prepare me for the dreadful blow.  His mind was ever dwelling on the tender mercy of God in sparing him from actual pain of which he had scarce any, but debility and exhaustion gained upon him every day.  The beginning of the year 1830 saw him no longer able to go out except in a wheeled chair and only able to sit up five or six hours in the day.  The tender mercy of God was surprisingly manifested at the last or indeed during the last three days for his feeling, though alive to what was passing, seemed void of interest to everything and almost everybody save myself.  There was a wholly calm diffused around him, most touching and enviable.  His last action was a kiss on my cheek placed close to his dear lips, his last words, “I am quite comfortable but feel my feet perishing.” On January 12, 1830 he died suddenly of apoplexy. 

You have now, my beloved children, seen the principal events of your dear fathers life.  What I have said would convey to you but an imperfect idea of his general character.  He was a father to be proud of.  His exterior was gentleman like to the highest degree, his dress and person always neat and beautifully clean.  His manners polite to strangers, affectionate to friends, tender to his own family, affable and obliging to everybody.  His conversation was always sensible, always sincere, candid and strictly truth telling.  Above all, my children the heart was a prayerful heart, it was a great heart that had been touched by the Holy Spirit of God.  It was a heart, which now has found its desired rest in the bosom of Abraham. 

May we all die the death of the righteous and may our last end be like his. 

(signed) Charlotte Ross, Feb. 19, 1832 

Submitted by Roger Lendon, 2009 

(1)See also the OVApedia entry on the Ross Families.

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